are you willing?

I have been told I’m too young for missions.
I have been told I should prepare myself first, before going to the front line.
I have been told I should do like Moses, who spent 40 years in desert before he was ready to lead Israel out of captivity.

And here I am, overlooking the blue lake surrounded by glorious mountains, and I wonder: am I too young? Do I know what I’m doing?

But I know the answer.
I am young.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
And I certainly don’t have a clue what all this is about.

But God knows.

How can one ever be ‘ready’ for missions? Why did we even make it such a special task, a life only for the chosen ones, only for the ones who are ready.

How many books do you need to read, how many scriptures memorized, how many hours spent with the Lord before you can go?

Why are we looking at ourselves, when we’re supposed to look at the Creator of all things, who created everything and everyone. Who put dreams and desires in our hearts. Who has a plan for this world and for every individual, bigger than we can ever comprehend.

To respond to him is his first and biggest desire. Our God, who wants to communicate with us. We tend to look at ourselves and measure, compare, try to decide whether we are ready or not. We should look to him and say: God, I’m willing.

The turning point in my life, was the moment I said to God: I give you my life, I want to do whatever you want me to do.

Did I know what I was saying?
Did I know the consequences of this decision?
Was I even able to give him my whole life?

Not at all. Not even close.

But God is a God who looks at our hearts, and he didn’t look at the things I was still holding on to, not ready to let go. He looked at me at saw a girl who was willing to give it all to him – not able, but willing.

There have been times I dared to regret this decision. Those were the times where life as I wanted it to happen seemed so much better than whatever God could possibly have for me.

And sometimes I still wonder what this is all about.

Here I am – white, tall, a foreigner. I stand out wherever I go – except in the tourist areas. I don’t speak the language, and even when I will (soon), I’m not one of them.

But all I know is doing what God’s want me to.

I believe in this calling.

He called me to this nation. He didn’t tell me why. He didn’t tell me for how long. He didn’t tell me how – cause sometimes I do wonder how I’ll live here for 3 years.

But he called me, then gave me a desire, and reminded me of the giftings I have had since I was born.

(unfortunately the video I added in the Dutch version, is not available in English :-) but trust me, it’s a very encouraging song, about being willing to follow God, and God’s promise to take care of you)


3 thoughts on “are you willing?

  1. Ruth, thank you for writing. I love reading your thoughts and being challenged by them and agreeing with them and trying to love God more through processing them. Sometimes I think, dang, we’re crazy. Hahahaha, but God is so good. Thanks for the reminder…hopefully I can be an encouragement to you, too…someday…

    • to write is what I love to do.
      and that people read it and are challenged by it, or blessed, that is something I can only wish for.
      so speaking about encouraging.. :-)

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