Today I’ve been in Nepal for exactly four months . For those four months, every single day I have been a little more stretched, have grown a little, and have fallen more in love with God.
Four months ago I was at Schiphol airport. Behind me my family, who made their own sacrifice by saying goodbye to me. In front of me the security check, and behind that an unknown world I was about to enter. By myself.
I left behind more than just my family. A few dreams I had to leave behind, as well as the chance of an ordinary life.
But I can’t go back. I won’t go home before God tells me to. No, actually I am making my home here, because God told me to.
To be here, shows me more and more what it’s really about. The pieces are coming together.
It’s not about me. It’s about God. What an insight, you might think. But check yourself, how much your own life is about you. Your comfort. Your dreams. Your plans. How much of it can you really let go?
To truly see, and hear, and feel
the heart of Jesus
must leave one radically altered.
My heart is permanently damaged —
it is spoiled for the ordinary!
My heart bursts with gratitude, O God!
You free me from my shallow, selfish world,
stretch the smallness of my heart
swallow me up in Your Life,
Your fullness, Your purpose.
– Paula Mickley Ireland –
How can you NOT change when you’ve experienced Gods love?
How can you NOT share this with others?
How can you NOT want to submit your life to him?
How can you NOT wake up everyday with thankfulness for his grace?
I am ‘spoiled for the ordinary’. I can’t live an ordinary life anymore. Wherever it is, with whoever it is, I want a life full with his love, of which I can share. I want a life with the one who gives life. I want to share with taxi drivers, shopkeepers and people on the plane.
I want to look further than ‘I miss my family’ and ‘I am craving cheese’. It’s the Kingdom of God we are talking about here.
How can I be bothered with what I want, what I want with my life, where I want to study, where I want to live – when there are people who haven’t even had a chance of getting to know God?
I’m not living for this life, I live for eternity. And you can’t start to early with eternity.
I have no idea if my point is getting across, and there might be more than one point. But I’ll leave it here, before this ends up being an endless story, something that tends to happen with this kind of things – cause this is what keeps me awake at night, what’s on my mind, and what keeps me going.